“Neckage”

My husband and I stopped by Julia’s Cafe & Books recently, which is a fundraising division of Habitat for Humanity Charlotte and connected to the ReStore.  I was searching the shelves for something meaningful to read and would’ve loved a gripping piece of fiction.  Nonfiction typically isn’t my bag.   BUT I happened upon the shelf housing the “L’s” and saw several of Anne Lamott’s books.  I’ve heard great reviews about how honest and funny an author she is, so…I grabbed 3 of her books and headed off to the checkout.  BTW this used bookstore has cheaper prices per book when you buy three, hence the number of books in my bag.

My first pick of the three was, randomly, “Grace (Eventually) – Thoughts on Faith“.    I learned only in the first few pages that I’ve truly been missing out having never read her books!    I have to tell you about this chapter entitled “A Field Theory of Beauty”.   I was reading it while on my lunch hour, hiding in a corner at work eating my lunch, more hungry for quiet than food.  So while enjoying my Lemongrass Chicken rice bowl (yum) from the YummiBanhMi food truck, I began this chapter and found myself tearing up as she described beauty and aging and “neckular deterioration”.

The chapter starts with Anne’s account of being awakened by her son staring at her and then proclaiming as he held her face in his hands “I love that little face”.  So sweet.  She was 40 at the time.  I wish I could see myself the way my children see me.  I look at myself and see this face I don’t recognize, with the growing number of wrinkles and age spots and puffy eyes, focusing on the negative of course.  I think of my mother who is 73 now and I see beauty and wisdom and past struggles and victories and a love for Christ that shines through her.  So I guess when children, even adult children, see beauty in the loves that care(d) for them, it’s AWEsome and honest.  Why can’t we see our aging selves that way?

Anne goes on to wonder how interesting it is that when we’re in a moment of life, we don’t see our own beauty, however when we look back at old pictures from when we were  younger , it’s easy to think: Wow, I was <cuter, thinner, prettier, hotter> than I thought I was at the time! Is that how I looked to everyone else?  Imagine the confidence I would’ve felt if I could have seen my then self from the more “mature”, wrinkled perspective I have now.  She puts it in perpective when explaining that we ARE all the ages we’ve ever been, so that cuter, thinner, prettier, hotter person captured in a moment in time IS part of us.

I haven’t achieved “neckular deterioration” yet, however I’m sure it will be quite troubling when it starts to happen.  Anne puts this “neckage” thing in perspective.  You know “the wattle and the wrinkles that gather like Roman shades” beneath the chin that “God recessed for a loving caring reason.”  Here’s more of what she says: 

It helps to think of the neck as something – a pedestal, say, or a plinth – on which you’d set a work of art.  A stand for the head and the face.  The fact that it is not an incredibly attractive stand doesn’t matter one bit.  It’s there to display your face, your eyes – which is where you carry who you are – your intelligence, goodness, humanity, excitement, serenity.  Over time, these are the things that change the musculature of your face, as do laughter, and amination, and especially whatever peace you can broker with the person inside.

When I read this, I was broken down to this blubbering baby of a woman.  Why?  I think I realized, as I read, that it’s true and I’ve wasted so many hours focusing on the flaws.  Our faces, whether wrinkled or smooth, clear or scarred, made up or plain, are displaying who we are.  While some people we encounter may focus on the negative physical aspects of our faces, the people that are truly wise and intelligent, can see our soul.  The beauty that lies within us made up of all the things we’ve gone through and come through in life.  Your face is on display and your “neckage” is its pedestal.  But instead of this being a scary thing, look at it as a way to show the world your beautiful self, your honest self.  Somedays that may be JOY and other days it may be STRUGGLE, but it is who you are on the inside. and that’s  so naturally and humanly beautiful.